Money, sex and lies…

I was having a chat with a coach who is up to some pretty fab things! She helps parents work with their teenage girls helping them overcome being a hormonal raging crazy pants and all the challenges that come along with it.

Her business has been trucking along like the tortoise versus the hare.

This coach was telling me about all the ins and outs of her business. All the clients she’d supported. The breakthroughs they had. The speaking engagements she’s been doing and the online marketing strategies she’d been working on.

From the outside looking in, she was doing many of the right things and was confused at what she was missing.

I knew exactly what it was, in the first few moments of speaking to her.

But I kept listening to what she was saying, hearing her out and giving her the space to share openly.

A few phrases leaped out at me like giant back up sirens ringing ****BEEEP. BEEEP. ****

“I just don’t have the time.”

“I don’t want my family to suffer as a result of my business.”

“I don’t have to make money.”

“I do it because I love it.”

“I’m not willing to lose everything this time.” (In reference to a previously demanding successful corporate career that led to burnout.)

“I have enough. I don’t really need more stuff.”

As a coach, the breakthrough opportunities usually come from reading between the lines of what a client is trying to explain and what they are actually saying.

After 15 minutes of explaining the strategies, failed attempts and struggles, it was these phrases above that told me exactly what was going on.

I thought it would be fun to translate these phrase into the underlying beliefs.

“I just don’t have the time.” 

This is her story. The belief that there isn’t enough time to get done what needs to be done to be successful, which is basically saying I believe it takes xyz to be successful and I can’t do that, so I will never be successful.

And if you believe with a shadow of a doubt that you don’t have the time, you’re not going to put the effort it to find out HOW you can make it work because you don’t think it’s possible with the resources you have.

Then there is…

“I don’t want my family to suffer as a result of my business.”

and

“I’m not willing to lose everything this time.”

(In reference to a previously demanding successful corporate career that led to burnout.)

These are both related to a past money trauma where there was loss associated with success. Fear of that loss keeps surfacing to keep her safe from feeling that loss again.

This type of loss can be in the form of losing friendships, a relationship or marriage breakdown, distance from children or even a loss from self (like weight gain, anxiety, stress or no longer having fun) where everything is given up in pursuit of success. This is very common in those who’ve had a previously successful career or business and have a preconceived idea of what success must look like.

For example this person believed success meant working 80+ hour work weeks, never eating dinner with her family and reaching burnout. Of course this belief would subconsciously sabotage momentum in her business.

And finally…

“I don’t have to make money.”

“I do it because I love it.”

“I have enough. I don’t really need more stuff.”

These stem from two things.

  1. Censoring your desires.
  1. Pretending it’s ok to be where you are.

Like my friend and past mindset coach used to talk about, it’s being “gratefully frustrated.”

In the personal development space, you’re taught to be grateful. Taught to be appreciative for what you have. I agree wholeheartedly with that.

BUT….

If you’re not wiling to get honest with where you are NOW and where you want to go, then you’re never going to nail down how to get there.

Imagine you are in Vancouver and you want to drive to sunny California so you pull out your GPS and, because you want to be in California, you pretend to be in California.

I’m in California.

I’m in California.

I’m in California.

When you know better and no matter how many times you say it, you’re not going to magically get there. You’re going to have to take action and get a travel plan even if it’s standing on the side of the road hitchhiking.

On the flip side, let’s say you tell yourself…yeah, I know I want to go to California, but I’m pretty happy here. Life is pretty good. I have all the things I need. I shouldn’t be greedy. I don’t really need to go to California. Well, you’re never going to get to California, am I right?

This can show up as not wanting or needing to have any physical things to spend your money on, so not having a reason to make more money.

It could also be wanting to do good and creating an impact without believing it’s possible to make great money doing what you love.

Even Mother Theresa used her status and her presence to fundraise for her cause and have a much wider impact and reach to help others.

Money is just a form of energy and when you resist it and push it away, or don’t believe you deserve it or need it, surely money will go off to find someone who will invite it in, take care of it, use it and grow it.

Back to the coach I was speaking to. I realized that there were a couple minor tweaks in her strategy that could make a difference, but the deeper issue keeping her stuck. The invisible barrier that kept her moving at the tortoise pace were the words she was telling herself and the beliefs she never even realized she had.

Maybe you have some old beliefs that need an overhaul.

Stay tuned for some of my best tips for shifting those beliefs and allowing space to create ease and money flow into your business without being run raged.

What’s one phrase or belief you have that is no longer serving you? Comment below.

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