Have you ever had a client say something like…
“Well, my last coach used to…”
Ouch!
It’s totally normal and human to immediately feel that little twinge and see that comparison as criticism.
It’s almost like they’re secretly saying, “They did this better than you.”
Maybe their old coach gave them more templates, told them exactly what to do, responded differently, gave them more access, or had a completely different way of supporting them.
But I’ve learned to get curious instead.
Because when someone tells you what they loved about their last coach, they’re actually giving you a LOT of information about how they’ve been coached before, what they value, and sometimes even where their next level of growth is.
This morning, I wanted to share a story about a client who used to say this to me, and how it helped me become a better coach for her…
I had a client named Jennifer* who did this with me.
She was a health coach who had previously worked with another coach in the health space, and she LOVED how much direction she’d been given.
Her old coach would tell her exactly what to say, exactly what to do, and exactly how to do it.
She’d give Jennifer the emails. The content. The strategy.
And Jennifer would just… do what she did.
Which sounds pretty great, right?
Except by the time she came to work with me, there was a problem.
She felt like a fraud.
None of what she was creating really felt like hers.
The content wasn’t in her voice…
The emails weren’t in her voice…
She hadn’t developed her own intellectual property because she’d gotten really good at following someone else’s.
She was slowly becoming a carbon copy of the person she had hired to help her.
So I knew immediately, I wasn’t going to coach her the same way.
Not because what her previous coach had done was necessarily wrong.
In fact, some of it could become a really useful skeleton for how things functioned in her business.
But Jennifer needed to put herself back into it.
She needed to develop her own IP, find her own voice, and most importantly, start making decisions and choices for herself.
And as she did that, something really interesting happened.
She made around $45,000 in her first month of coaching with me and went on to have more than six figures a year in revenue.
But honestly, the part that mattered to me even more was the freedom she felt.
Because she wasn’t looking over her shoulder anymore asking, “What would my coach do?”
She was becoming the leader instead of the follower.
And I think THAT’S the part we can miss when a client compares us to someone they’ve worked with before.
Our instinct can be to prove why our way is better.
Or explain why we don’t do it that way.
Or maybe we get a little defensive and start wondering whether we should change how we coach them.
Instead, I like to ask questions.
“Great. What else did you love about working with that coach?”
And let them tell me.
Don’t argue with it. Don’t try to diminish the other coach or explain why your approach is better.
Actually listen.
Then I might ask:
- “What was missing for you?”
- “What didn’t you get in that relationship?”
- “Why did you ultimately decide you needed something different?”
And finally…
- “What had you choose to work with me?”
Because sometimes the grass really does look greener in the past.
We remember the parts that felt good and conveniently forget the parts that had us looking for something different in the first place.
And when you help someone remember why they made a new decision, you’re not convincing them that you’re better than their old coach.
You’re helping them sell themselves again on the decision they already made.
There’s also something else happening here that I think is important.
Every coach is going to bring something different to the relationship.
Maybe their last coach was incredible at giving them the exact roadmap.
Maybe you are the person who’s going to teach them how to build their own.
Maybe their last coach gave them accountability and structure, while your role is to help them develop conviction.
Neither relationship has to be wrong for the other one to be right.
They’re just serving different seasons.
And sometimes what served someone beautifully in their last season is exactly what they need to graduate from in this one.
So the next time someone says…
“Well, my old coach used to…”
Don’t compete with the ghost of their last coach.
Get curious about them.
What did they love?
What was missing?
Why did they leave?
And what did they come to YOU to find?
Then bring the conversation back to this relationship, this moment, and the person they’re trying to become now.
Because your job isn’t to recreate the coach they already had.
It’s to help them become the person they couldn’t become there.
