I gotta say the quiet part out LOUD.
I think we as coaches can sometimes have a funny problem.
We’re SO used to listening for the thing we can coach that we forget to just…
Listen.
#guiltysometimes!
A client starts telling us about something that happened.
And before they’ve even finished the story, we’re already thinking:
“Ohhhh, I know what the belief is.”
“I know what question I’m going to ask.”
“I know what they need to see here.”
Meanwhile, they haven’t even finished their sentence.
This is probably one of the hardest things I had to learn as a coach.
I’ve learned over the years that not everything someone brings into a coaching conversation needs to be immediately coached.
Sometimes someone needs to process.
Sometimes they need to be heard.
And sometimes I need to understand what they’re actually saying before I decide there’s something there for me to solve.
Do you know what I mean?!
That’s why today, I wanted to write about one of the hardest things you’ve got to learn as a coach… Your listening skills.
I think this is especially important because the first thing someone tells you isn’t always the thing.
They might say:
“I’m overwhelmed.”
And I could immediately start coaching them on time management.
But if I keep listening, I might discover that they’re actually scared they’re going to fail.
Or they might say:
“I’m frustrated with my team.”
And I could immediately start talking about leadership.
But five minutes later I realize they’re exhausted, something happened at home, and this conversation isn’t really about their team at all.
If I coach too quickly, I can end up coaching the first sentence instead of the actual person sitting in front of me.
So sometimes I’ll just stay with them a little longer.
“Tell me more.”
“What happened?”
“What about that bothered you?”
Not because I’m trying to lead them toward some brilliant breakthrough.
I genuinely want to understand.
And THEN I can decide what the moment needs.
Maybe there’s something I want to challenge.
Maybe there’s a question that helps them see the situation differently.
Maybe they need a strategy.
Or maybe after they’ve gotten everything out, they take a breath and go:
“Okay. I actually know what I need to do.”
They didn’t need me to solve it.
They needed enough space to hear themselves think.
I think that’s one of the quieter skills you develop the longer you coach.
Knowing when your value is in what you say… and knowing when your value is in the space you create for someone else to say it.
We’re in the business of relationships and connection.
And people can tell when you’re listening because you’re genuinely interested in understanding them versus listening because you’re waiting for your opportunity to coach.
So yes, ask the powerful question.
Challenge the belief.
Give them the strategy when they need it.
But don’t underestimate the value of sitting with someone long enough to actually hear them first.
Because sometimes the most useful thing you can give your client isn’t another coaching point.
It’s the experience of feeling completely heard.
