It’s been a really hard week for me

Have you ever felt like you were on top of the world only to have it come crashing down on you?

I know it’s not the most uplifting statement, is it?

But it’s something worth talking about.

Ten days ago, I was off to New York to join my peers for a mastermind event. I had just wrapped up my launch for my signature program the Leading a Kick Ass Facebook group and was excited to see my friends and brainstorm together.

We were halfway through the day when I got THE call…from home.

You know that moment where your heart stops because the phone rings in the middle of the night. That’s exactly how I felt….and then I heard the words

“____ died.”

I couldn’t hear who, so I asked again, “who died?” immediately thinking about my children.

I heard the words, “Zara died” and I burst into tears.

Zara was my soon-to-be fourteen-year-old doggie who was by my side through so much. I was a hot mess.

It’s been one week since I got the news and my puffy eyes have started to come back to normal. And I keep having those moments of expecting to see her on my pile of clothes in the morning and she’s not there.

I’ve given myself some time off to grieve and just allow myself to be.

In that time, I’ve looked inward to see what lessons are meant to be learned here.

Why did it happen when it did? 

Why did I get the news while I was away with my mastermind peers?

Why would I manifest this now?

Surely God decided it was her time to go, but I believe every obstacle, challenge or heartbreak is there to teach us a lesson.

I honestly didn’t know what to write you today.

I doubted whether I should share something that feels so raw and personal as I am still working through this myself.

But I wanted to give you a glimpse of how I process obstacles and heartbreak.

I came up with three lessons that I wanted to share with you.

  1. I struggle with vulnerability. I want people to always think I have it together because I fear if I don’t, that I won’t be liked. Yep, super raw and honest #truthbomb here.

In that moment I got the news just outside the room where my mastermind was being held and I burst into tears. After spending some time by myself I decided to go back up to my room to be by myself and as I was waiting for the elevator one of my peers came out and he gave me a big bear hug and I just sobbed.

Then other friends came over and in that moment, I felt so much love. I felt taken care of. I felt completely vulnerable.

It hit me.

When I was being interviewed to join this mastermind, my mentor asked me:
“Are you coachable? How will you show up if you’re accepted into this mastermind?”

Without a second thought, I told him,
“I used to be that stubborn girl who could figure it all out on her own and have all the answers, but I was going to show up 100% open and vulnerable and ask for help.”

And here I was full circle, being put to the test. Showing up more vulnerable than ever and receiving the biggest outpouring of love.

I don’t know it all. I’m still learning. I still need help.

The lesson: It’s ok to not have it all figured out. It’s ok if I fall apart, fail or am completely open and vulnerable. I am safe and the only judgment is with myself, not from others.

  1. It’s so easy to go into a spiral of what you could have done differently and beat yourself up over it. Enough of that. It’s what you can do now, today is a new day and a new beginning.

The second lesson was about self-forgiveness and letting go of the “I should of/could of…”

  1. The final lesson comes back to that first question I asked you…

Have you ever felt like you were on top of the world only to have it come crashing down on you?

I can’t tell you how many times in my life where I felt on top of the world or was so close to hitting a goal and then BOOM something happened and it felt like everything was falling apart.

It wasn’t until I read the book, The Big Leap by Gay Hendricks that I realized, whoa, this is an upper limit thing.

Gay explains in the book that we have this internal thermostat setting for how good things can get in our life with our business, money, relationships, health, etc. and how we stay in that comfort zone.

As soon as you go above that comfort zone, like a thermostat going above it’s set temperature, the air conditioner kicks in and brings it back to the set temperature. With life, you unknowingly can self-sabotage yourself to get back into your comfort zone.

I’ve been super aware of this upper limit in my life.

It used to show up whenever I was going to do a tele-class or webinar, I would lose my voice.

Or early on in my business when I had my best month ever, it was followed by a flood of No’s that resulted in a zero sales month.

Or just when my business was doing really well, and my relationship was at its best, an argument would come out of nowhere and I would be thrown off my game and would feel frustrated.

My lesson: I just come off the best launch yet for my Leading a Kick Ass Facebook Group program and BOOM this tragedy came up. I realized it is ok to give myself time and space to heal, but that doesn’t mean I have to slide back into my comfort zone. Instead, I’m choosing to set a new baseline thermostat setting, drawing a line in the sand of going onward and upward from here.

So, there you have it. In my heartbreak and healing what lessons I learned along the way.

I’ve still got a long way to go before I stop bursting into tears when I think of my dear Zara but I wanted to let you in and share what’s going on for me and why you haven’t heard much from me in the last week.

In gratitude,

Christina

 

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