I have always been fascinated by how people think. What drives them. What motivates them. Why they think a certain way. Why they act a certain way. Why some people seemingly skyrocket, while others sit idle.
Last month at Tony Robbins Date with Destiny, on Day 2 he brought up this concept of a Primary Question. The idea that we have one question that plays on repeat in our minds that dictates how we behave, what we feel and how we perceive life.
It’s something that we ask ourselves throughout the day. It’s what drives us. Yet you’re probably not even aware of it. There were lots of examples given, here are a few:
How can I create more freedom?
Where is the good in this?
How can I make this better?
How do I change people’s opinions of me?
What if this doesn’t work?
Am I doing the right thing?
How do I be #1?
How can I make this work/happen?
Am I good enough?
How can I matter?
What if I don’t have enough?
How can I look good so people will like me?
Is this going to be fun?
How can I make everyone happy?
How can I do that?
Am I really ready for this?
How do I protect myself?
Let’s look deeper at a few of these examples.
If your primary question was “What if this doesn’t work?” then you’re going about life, expecting things not to work. That means there is an underlying expectation of failure. So what kind of life do you think this person would have?
Probably limited. Trying to keep safe, mitigating risks and over-analyzing information. They likely have the belief that a problem is permanent and, if they fail, that something is wrong with them.
Ok, let’s look at another one.
If your primary question was “How can I make this better?” you might think, how is this a bad thing? Tony shared that this used to be his primary question. Although it may seem super positive, that you’re always looking at improving, there is still an underlying belief that it’s never good enough.
The idea was to identify your old primary question and shift it into a new, more empowering one.
Let’s rework a couple examples.
How do I protect myself? or What if this doesn’t work?
How can I appreciate even more of God’s guidance in this moment?
The idea behind this shift would be that gratitude (abundant mindset) eliminates fear (scarcity mindset) and by getting present and appreciating the moment, you’re no longer expecting bad things to happen.
How can I make this better?
How can I appreciate and enjoy even more the perfection in this moment?
Again shifting into gratitude and fully appreciating the perfection in the moment allows you to feel good now, not later, once you have or accomplish or make better xyz.
I felt stumped on this exercise. Then on the final day, we were supposed to create our new primary question, but I didn’t even know what my old one was.
So I asked one of the trainers for help. I explained I didn’t know what my old one was but I created what I think was my new one. And her response to me was this, “So what do you need help with? Does it matter you don’t know your old one?”
Then I went on to say….”but…well….started to insert story/excuse here” and she stopped me and said “It doesn’t have to be perfect. Are you still asking your old question after 6 days of transformation?”
No, I wasn’t. So I wrote down my new primary question on my poster board, “What would I love do?”
I felt pleased that this was it. It really could be that simple. It didn’t have to be fancy. I knew that if I asked myself that question every single day, that anything would be possible. It would be the foundation for living an extraordinary life. One full of love, light, joy, faith, courage and happiness.
Now back to you. What will be your new Primary Question?